August Birthday Pondering Thoughts

This week of the year has always been full of birthdays. Sometimes I get confused about whose birthday is on which day. And it is also a sad week for me, because my ex-step-mom and step-brother both had birthdays a week apart. Both have past away.

My ex-step-mom, Terrie was not nice to me and so when she passed, it didn't bother me. But as I get older, I am understanding more about why she was so cruel. I suspect she was bi-polar and I remember many depressed days that she had. Her kind moments were when she would take me shopping. She rarely ate and so I know she had malnutrition and nutritional inbalances that most likely caused her depression and blow-ups. I now often wonder what kind of person she would have been if she was diagnosed properly. Would she be a good cook, creative, more involved.....?

My ex-step -brother, Troy and I weren't close growing up. I got along with my ex-step-sister well. I looked up to her, wanted to be like her, and was for the most part her shadow. But her and her brother were typical siblings always fighting. Of course, I always took my step-sister's side. To make matters worse, Troy and I were in the same grade and our birthdays were in the same month. He was a couple of weeks older then me, but I was taller. lol One of my favorite memories is playing with his super cool stretchable Hulk with him. The three of us stretching his limbs across the living-room.

Troy really enjoyed taking apart things to see how they worked. This drove my Dad crazy. He was also very creative and could draw and build things. We use to play in the woods in the winter time in Oregon. Lots of marshy areas and rotted stumps. He one time found a stump that looked like a castle. He found some pine cones and turned them into people. He gave me the pine cone people and showed me the castle. I was tickled. We build some great forts together in the woods. He had a problem with fidgeting and tapping objects. It drove both his mom and my Dad nuts. I can't remember what age he was put on Ritalin. Ritalin led to other problems for Troy in his life.

When we grew up, we drifted our own ways and I never seen him again. But he remained with me in spirit and I often wondered about him and what if he was raised differently. I had compassion for him and hoped that someday he would have a wonderful life. After I had my children and one showed signs of ADHD as a toddler, memories of Troy's life helped me to make the decisions that I did. I remembered the way we ate and Hostess, Doritos and Pepsi were our staples in our diets. I didn't want my children to go the same route that Troy took and so I looked at natural ways of dealing with ADHD. Now my ADHD toddler is now a normal tween.

Troy passed away last Fall. If Troy was alive, today or tomorrow he would be celebrating his 42nd Birthday. The one regret that I have, is losing my chance to tell him that I loved him unconditionally and that I wished the best for him. I wished I knew if he had love, was happy in life, and if he believed in God. You know, all of the little things in conversation that you take for granted.

Happy Birthday Troy! And Happy Birthday Terrie!

And for the living..... Happy Birthday to....
- Dad (my father-in-law)
- my best friend, McFly Rachel
- my nephew, Timothy
- my niece, Shantelle
- and other friends from my past